The psychological underpinnings for the many different kinds of love.
Psychological Theories
For many decades, psychologists have long tried to categorize the different types of love, instead of viewing ‘love’ as a single, homogenous entity.
There are lots of different theories out there, but they all have the same aim: to better understand this complex emotion and how it impacts our lives and relationships. This approach helps people to identify what type of love they may be experiencing, and understand the different factors that contribute to the different types of love.
It also provides a useful tool for people looking to improve their relationships, as it allows them to focus on developing and strengthening the specific aspects of love that are most important to them.
Triangular Theory of Love
Robert Sternberg’s *Triangular Theory* is one of the most popular theories used to explain the different components of love. According to this theory, there are three elements that make up a successful relationship: intimacy, passion and commitment.
Intimacy involves feelings of closeness and connectedness between two people; passion refers to physical attraction and sexual desire; commitment is the decision to stay together in spite of any difficulties or obstacles.
When we think about romantic relationships, it’s easy to see how all three components come into play. At different stages of a relationship, one of these components might be stronger than others. For example, passion is usually stronger than commitment at the beginning of a relationship, but as time goes on, commitment becomes stronger than passion.
Lee's 'Color Wheel' of Love
John Lee’s *Color Wheel* theory divides love into six distinct forms: Eros (romantic), Ludus (playful), Storge (friendship), Pragma (practical), Mania (obsessive) and Agape (selfless). Each type has its own unique characteristics that can help us better understand our relationships.
Eros love is passionate and romantic, often involving strong physical attraction and sexual desire. It’s the kind of love we feel for our partners or crushes, and it usually involves intense emotions such as longing or yearning. Ludus is more playful in nature; it’s characterized by flirting, teasing and lightheartedness. Storge refers to friendship-based love; it’s based on mutual respect, understanding and trust.
Pragma is practical in nature; it focuses on making business-like decisions that will benefit both parties involved. Mania is obsessive; it involves an unhealthy level of possessiveness or jealousy which can be damaging to relationships. Finally, Agape is selfless; it emphasizes unconditional acceptance regardless of circumstances or differences between two people.
Five Love Languages Theory
Gary Chapman’s *Love Languages* theory suggests that there are five distinct ways of expressing and receiving love: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Each person has a primary language which they prefer to receive love in; understanding this can help couples better communicate their needs and desires.
For example, someone who prefers words of affirmation may feel most loved when given compliments or verbal expressions of appreciation. Others respond better to quality time: giving undivided attention to your partner without distractions such as phones or television.
Gifts are tangible symbols of affection that show your partner that you’ve been thinking about them; even small gestures like bringing home flowers can make a big difference. Acts of service involve doing something helpful for your partner such as cooking dinner or running errands. Finally, physical touch involves holding hands, cuddling on the couch or giving each other massages.
Compassionate vs. Passionate Love
Elaine Hatfield proposed a theory of love that distinguishes between two distinct types. Compassionate love is based on mutual respect, understanding, and commitment; it involves caring for another person without expecting anything in return. Passionate love is more intense and focused on physical attraction; it’s also associated with strong emotions such as lust or jealousy.
Hatfield’s research suggests that these two forms of love can coexist within relationships – couples may experience both passionate and compassionate feelings towards each other at different times. Her studies have also found that people tend to prefer one type over the other; some are drawn to the intensity of passionate love while others find comfort in the stability of compassionate love.
A similar theory is Zick Rubin’s idea of liking and loving. Both of these theories can help a person identify the type of love they feel most comfortable with. This can help people build healthy relationships that meet their personal needs.
Rubin's 'Liking and Loving' Theory
Psychologist Zick Rubin proposed a theory of love which distinguishes between two distinct types: liking and loving. Liking is based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared interests; it involves enjoying each other’s company without expecting anything in return. Loving is more intense and focused on physical attraction; it’s often associated with strong emotions such as desire or jealousy.
Rubin’s research suggests that these two forms of love can coexist within relationships – couples may experience both liking and loving feelings towards each other at different times. Interestingly, his studies have also found that people tend to prefer one type over the other; some are drawn to the intensity of passionate love while others find comfort in the stability of compassionate love.
It’s important to recognize which type you feel most comfortable with so you can build healthy relationships that meet your needs! For example, Rubin found that married couples who reported higher levels of ‘liking’ were more likely to stay together than those who only experienced ‘loving’ feelings for their partner. This suggests that having a strong friendship foundation is essential for long-term relationship success!
The Dark Side of Love
Love is so often a beautiful emotion, but it can also have a dark side. These dark types of love have been studied by psychologists hoping to better understand them.
Infatuation is an intense form of love that often involves idealizing the other person and disregarding any flaws they may have. Infatuation can develop to the point of obsession, where one person becomes fixated on the object of their affection, and neglects their own needs and well-being.
Another form of unhealthy love is possessive love, where one person seeks to control and manipulate their partner, often leading to feelings of suffocation and entrapment in the relationship. It’s important to understand these dark types of love, so that people can recognize them, and make sure they don’t creep into their own relationships.
